I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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