you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
