dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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