Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize