I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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