I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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