Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize