At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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