Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
