Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
