Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
is that a dick in a sweater?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
