I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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