Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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