My room smells like vodka and shame
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
