i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
