Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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