And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
