i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
