fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
