god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
