he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize