we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
