Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
