I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
