ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
