Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize