It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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