That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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