On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
two words...techno handjob
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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