im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
