New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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