That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
