I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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