Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
