my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
