He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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