i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
