OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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