In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
