It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize