He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
