I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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