At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
