you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
