so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
