Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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