yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
