It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
