If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
