I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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