Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
