So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
