I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize