Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
