I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
