she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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