he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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