I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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