at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's never too late to be topless.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
