Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
