Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
