Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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