I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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