oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
