Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
