No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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